Why Would One Spouse Want to Sell and the Other Want to Keep It?

There are plenty of reasons.

One spouse may have a strong emotional attachment to the house.

Maybe the children grew up there.

Maybe one spouse still lives there.

Maybe they believe selling would be financially foolish.

Maybe they want to buy out the other spouse.

Maybe they're worried they won't qualify for another home.

Or perhaps they simply aren't emotionally ready to let it go.

Meanwhile, the spouse who wants to sell may be thinking about:

Mortgage payments.

Property taxes.

Maintenance.

Equity tied up in the house.

The cost of maintaining two households.

Their own need to buy or rent somewhere else.

Or simply wanting financial separation.

Neither perspective changes my role.

The decision about whether the property must be sold is a divorce issue before it becomes a real-estate issue.

Can One Spouse Just List the House Anyway?

That's not an assumption I would make.

If a California divorce is underway, Standard Family Law Restraining Orders can restrict either spouse from selling or otherwise disposing of property without the required permission. California Courts tells divorcing parties that these rules prohibit selling or giving away property without permission, and they apply while the case is pending.

There may also be questions involving:

Who is on title.

Whether the property is community or separate property.

Agreements between the spouses.

Court orders.

Authority to sell.

Those are legal questions.

So if you call me and say:

“My spouse won't sell, but I'm on title too. Can't you just list my half?”

My answer isn't going to be:

“Sure, let's see what happens.”

My answer is going to be:

“Talk to your attorney first.”

What If I'm the Only Person on Title?

That doesn't automatically make the divorce irrelevant.

California property rights during marriage can be considerably more complicated than simply looking at whose name appears on the deed.

California distinguishes between community and separate property, and in some circumstances an asset can have both community and separate-property components.

That's exactly why I don't make family-law determinations.

I'll certainly look at title as part of evaluating the real-estate transaction.

But I won't tell someone:

“You're the only person on title, so your spouse has no rights and you can sell.”

That's legal advice, and it's outside my role.

What If We Own the House Together?

Then disagreement between the owners needs to be resolved before I can treat this like an ordinary listing.

Perhaps the spouses reach an agreement.

Maybe their attorneys negotiate one.

Perhaps mediation helps.

Or the issue ultimately goes before the court.

California Courts explains that spouses can make their own property agreement and ask the judge to approve it. If they can't agree, they can ask the court to decide.

What I'm not going to do is become the mediator.

That puts the broker in a terrible position.

One spouse calls me privately and says:

“You need to convince him that selling is the only reasonable option.”

Then the other says:

“Tell her she's crazy. We'd be stupid to sell right now.”

Nope.

You have attorneys for that conversation.

What If the Spouse Who Wants to Keep the House Buys the Other One Out?

That may be an alternative to an open-market sale.

If one spouse wants to remain in the property, the parties might explore whether a buyout makes sense.

But there are several separate questions:

What is the house actually worth?

How much equity exists?

What ownership interest does each spouse have?

Can the spouse keeping the house afford it?

Can existing financing be addressed appropriately?

What do the parties' agreement or court orders require?

The attorneys handle the legal rights and settlement structure.

A lender or mortgage professional handles financing qualification.

I can help with the part I actually know:

What is this property realistically worth in today's market?

That's valuable information whether the ultimate outcome is a buyout or a sale.

Don't Confuse Asking Price With Buyout Value

This deserves attention.

Suppose one spouse wants to keep the house.

Suddenly everyone has a very strong opinion about value.

The spouse keeping it might say:

“It needs $100,000 worth of work. It's probably worth $650,000.”

The spouse being bought out says:

“The house down the street sold for $900,000.”

And somewhere between them sits the actual real-estate market.

My job isn't to create the number that benefits either side.

I look at:

Comparable sales.

Current competition.

Condition.

Location.

Lot.

Upgrades.

Deferred maintenance.

Market activity.

And what buyers are currently paying.

The property doesn't know who's getting divorced.

Its market value exists independently of the argument.

What If One Spouse Can't Afford to Buy the Other Out?

Then keeping the house may not be financially realistic.

Wanting the house and being financially able to keep it are two different things.

Perhaps the spouse would need to refinance.

Maybe the existing mortgage payment is already difficult.

Perhaps significant equity needs to be addressed.

There may be other debts involved in the divorce.

Those are discussions for the spouses, attorneys and appropriate financial or lending professionals.

But if the buyout doesn't work, an open-market sale may become one of the alternatives the parties or court consider.

Again:

I don't make that decision.

I can tell you what selling the house would likely look like.

What If Neither Person Can Afford the Mortgage Alone?

Now time may become important.

If the household previously relied on two incomes to pay:

Mortgage.

Taxes.

Insurance.

Utilities.

Maintenance.

HOA.

...and now you're maintaining two separate households, the economics can change quickly.

If payments are becoming difficult, tell your attorney.

And from the real-estate side, let's determine:

What is the property worth?

What is owed?

How much equity exists?

How long might it reasonably take to sell?

Is the mortgage current?

If there's already mortgage distress, we may need to move considerably faster once the parties have the legal authority to proceed.

What If We're Already Behind on the Mortgage?

This is where a philosophical disagreement about selling can collide with a very real deadline.

The lender doesn't particularly care which spouse wants to keep the house.

If mortgage payments aren't being made, the loan can continue through the applicable default and foreclosure process.

If a Notice of Default has already been recorded or a trustee sale is approaching, both spouses and their attorneys need to understand the urgency.

We need to determine whether there is enough equity for a conventional sale.

If not, a short sale may potentially need to be considered.

Divorce proceedings don't automatically stop mortgage problems from progressing.

So if the house is financially distressed, don't keep that information from your attorney because you're hoping the two of you will eventually agree.

What If One Spouse Is Refusing to Sell Just to Be Difficult?

Maybe.

But I'm not going to make that determination.

There may be reasons you know about.

There may be reasons you don't.

And there may be a long history between the two of you that has absolutely nothing to do with real estate.

That's exactly why your Realtor shouldn't become part of that dispute.

If you believe your spouse is unreasonably refusing to cooperate with the disposition of marital property, tell your attorney.

California Courts provides procedures for asking a judge to make decisions during a pending family-law case, including orders concerning property control.

Your attorney can advise whether any of those procedures are appropriate for your particular situation.

I'm staying out of that fight.

Can a Judge Order What Happens to the House?

A California court can ultimately make decisions regarding property when divorcing spouses cannot reach agreement.

California law generally requires division of the community estate equally absent an agreement or another applicable provision, while the actual characterization and disposition of particular assets can involve additional legal considerations.

But I'm deliberately not going to tell you:

“Yes, the judge will order the house sold.”

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Your facts matter.

The character of the property matters.

Other assets and debts may matter.

The court orders matter.

Your attorneys need to address that.

From my perspective, the important distinction is:

You don't need me to decide whether the house should be sold.

You need me once that decision has legally been made.

What If the Court Orders the House Sold but My Spouse Still Won't Cooperate?

Call your attorney.

Not your Realtor.

Seriously.

A real estate broker isn't an enforcement arm of the family court.

If someone is violating or refusing to comply with a court order, that's a legal problem.

Your attorney can advise you about enforcement and what steps may be available.

Once the necessary authority and procedures are established for the real-estate transaction, I'll do my part.

But I won't threaten your spouse, interpret the order or attempt to enforce it myself.

That's a very important boundary.

What If My Spouse Won't Let Buyers Into the House?

This can happen when the non-cooperating spouse still occupies the property.

And again, the solution depends upon what legal agreements or orders exist.

From the real-estate side, a house that can't be shown is obviously difficult to sell.

If appropriate authority has been established, we need a workable showing arrangement.

That might involve:

Notice requirements.

Showing windows.

Lockbox arrangements.

Inspection access.

Appraisal access.

Photography.

Open houses, if appropriate.

But if the occupant simply refuses to comply with an agreement or court order, that becomes an issue for the attorneys.

I can manage access procedures. I can't enforce family-court orders.

What If My Spouse Sabotages the Sale?

Here's another spicy one.

Suppose the house is listed, but one spouse:

Refuses showings.

Leaves the property intentionally unpresentable.

Tells buyers the house is terrible.

Refuses reasonable offers.

Won't sign documents.

Interferes with inspections.

Or otherwise makes the transaction impossible.

I can document what is happening from the real-estate side.

I can provide both parties with objective information.

I can explain the effect on the marketing and transaction.

But I cannot resolve intentional noncooperation between divorcing spouses.

That's something the attorneys may need to address.

The broker should provide facts, not become another combatant.

What If One Spouse Wants an Unrealistically High Price So the House Won't Sell?

This is one of the ways a disagreement about selling can disguise itself as a disagreement about price.

One spouse says:

“Fine. I'll sell. But we're listing it for $1.2 million.”

The comparable sales say:

$850,000.

Putting an unrealistic price into the MLS doesn't magically transform disagreement into cooperation.

My responsibility is to give both parties a realistic opinion of the market.

I'll show you:

Comparable sales.

Active competition.

Market activity.

Buyer response.

Days on market.

Price reductions.

And whatever other relevant market evidence applies.

If the parties still cannot agree on pricing and that prevents the sale from proceeding, they may need legal guidance regarding what happens next.

I won't manufacture a valuation to satisfy either side.

What If One Spouse Wants to Sell Cheap Just to Get It Over With?

Same answer in the opposite direction.

I don't automatically accept:

“Just dump it. I don't care anymore.”

There may be substantial equity involved.

Both parties may have financial interests in the outcome.

My job is to properly expose the property to the market and recommend a strategy designed to achieve a reasonable result.

Divorce can create urgency.

Urgency doesn't mean we give the house away.

Unless the circumstances genuinely require a highly accelerated sale, we're still going to treat the property like a valuable asset.

Buyers Don't Need to Know You're Fighting

This is important.

I'm not putting:

DIVORCE SALE!

in the MLS.

I'm not telling every buyer's agent:

“The husband desperately wants out but the wife refuses to cooperate.”

Why would we give buyers that negotiating leverage?

Your personal disagreement isn't a marketing feature.

The property should be marketed based upon:

Its features.

Its condition.

Its location.

Its value.

And the opportunity it represents to the buyer.

The divorce belongs in the attorney's office—not in the MLS remarks.

What If We Finally Agree to Sell?

Great.

Now we reset.

Whatever happened before the agreement doesn't need to control the real-estate transaction.

We establish:

Who receives communication.

How showings will work.

How pricing decisions will be made.

How offers will be presented.

What repairs, if any, will be considered.

Who occupies the property.

What title issues exist.

What is owed.

And what applicable agreement or court order needs to be provided to escrow or other professionals.

Then we sell the house.

Clean process. Clear information. Neutral communication.

What If We Don't Speak to Each Other?

That's okay.

You don't necessarily have to.

Important real-estate information can generally be communicated to both parties appropriately without forcing the two of you into unnecessary direct interaction.

Both parties can receive:

Offers.

Market feedback.

Important transaction information.

Deadlines.

Inspection developments.

Escrow updates.

My approach remains:

Same information. Same facts. Same transaction.

I don't want either spouse wondering whether the other is receiving a different version of the story.

I'm Not Your Divorce Referee

This might be the most important thing on this page.

A divorcing couple needs a real estate broker who understands complicated transactions.

They do not need another person inserted into their personal conflict.

So I'm not going to decide:

Who is right.

Who is wrong.

Who deserves the house.

Who should receive more equity.

Who should pay the mortgage.

Who should move out.

Or who is being unreasonable.

Those issues belong elsewhere.

I'll concentrate on:

What is the property worth?

What is owed against it?

What does the market say?

How should we market it?

What does the offer actually mean?

What needs to happen to close?

So What Happens If One Spouse Wants to Sell and the Other Doesn't?

You have a disagreement that needs to be resolved before the real-estate transaction can operate normally.

Don't try to solve it by finding a Realtor who will take your side.

Talk with your family-law attorney.

You and your spouse may ultimately reach an agreement.

Your attorneys may help negotiate one.

Or the court may need to decide unresolved property issues. California Courts specifically explains that spouses can reach their own property agreements, while a judge can decide when they cannot agree.

Once there is appropriate authority to sell:

Call me.

Now we're no longer debating whether the house gets sold.

We're figuring out how to sell it well.

When You're Ready to Sell, I'll Handle the Real Estate

Selling a house during divorce doesn't require everyone to be friends.

It does require enough legal authority and cooperation—or appropriate court direction—for the real-estate transaction to function.

I've been a California real estate broker for more than 26 years and work with complicated property transactions throughout Southern California.

My approach to divorce sales is simple:

Neutrality.

Clear communication.

Realistic valuation.

Professional marketing.

No unnecessary drama.

Your attorneys handle the divorce.

I'll handle the house.

Call Dawn Anderson, Broker — Midas Realty Group

Related Resources

Selling a House During Divorce in California — Where Do We Start?

Can We Sell Our California House Before a Divorce Is Final?

How to Sell a House When Divorcing Couple Is Not Speaking

Special Circumstances When Selling a California Home

Selling a California House With Tax Liens

California Short Sale Center

Disagreements concerning whether marital property should be sold, ownership rights, community or separate property, court orders and enforcement are legal matters. A real estate broker cannot determine whether one spouse can compel another to sell or interpret or enforce family-court orders. Homeowners should obtain advice from their California family-law attorneys concerning their individual circumstances. This page provides general real estate information only.