How to Sell a House When a Divorcing Couple Is Not Speaking

First: Do You Both Agree That the House Will Be Sold?

This is the important distinction.

Not speaking to each other is one problem.

Disagreeing about whether the house should be sold is another.

If one spouse wants to sell and the other refuses, that's something your family-law attorneys may need to resolve.

A real estate broker can't decide who has the legal authority to sell the property.

But suppose that question has already been answered.

Maybe both spouses have agreed to sell.

Perhaps the attorneys have worked out an agreement.

Maybe there's an applicable court order.

Now we're dealing with a logistical problem:

How do we successfully sell a house when the sellers don't want to deal directly with each other?

That is much more manageable.

You Don't Have to Use Each Other as Messengers

This is one of the first things I'd want to eliminate.

I don't want to tell one spouse:

“Can you ask your husband whether Tuesday works for the photographer?”

Then ask the husband:

“Can you tell your wife we received an offer?”

That's unnecessary.

And it's an excellent way to create misunderstandings.

Important real estate communication can be structured so that both parties receive appropriate information directly.

That may include:

• Listing information
• Pricing recommendations
• Showing feedback
• Market updates
• Offers
• Inspection developments
• Escrow information
• Important transaction deadlines

Nobody should have to wonder:

“Did my spouse tell me everything the Realtor said?”

I'm perfectly capable of communicating with two adults separately.

Same Information. Same Facts. Same Transaction.

This is especially important in a divorce sale.

I don't want one spouse believing I'm privately aligned with the other.

If I tell one person:

“We've had 12 showings and buyers are consistently commenting on the price,”

the other shouldn't hear:

“Dawn says we need to slash the price because you won't cooperate.”

No.

The market feedback is the market feedback.

Both parties can receive the same objective information.

That helps remove the Realtor from the personal conflict.

I'm not representing one person's version of events.

I'm representing the real estate transaction.

Can We Have Separate Conversations With the Realtor?

Absolutely.

There may be perfectly legitimate reasons why you don't want joint conversations.

You may prefer separate phone calls.

Separate emails.

Separate discussions about logistics.

That's workable.

But separate communication doesn't mean different information.

If we're discussing something material to the transaction, transparency matters.

I don't want to become the keeper of competing secrets.

If one spouse tells me:

“Don't tell my wife about this offer.”

we're going to have a problem.

A listing transaction requires appropriate disclosure and communication with the people whose decisions are required.

I'm not becoming anyone's secret tactical adviser against the other seller.

What If We Have Attorneys?

Great.

Let them handle the divorce.

If there's disagreement concerning:

Ownership rights.

Authority to sell.

Distribution of proceeds.

Court orders.

Occupancy rights.

Responsibility for expenses.

Or other legal matters...

those questions belong with your attorneys.

I don't need to be copied on every conversation about your divorce.

And your family-law attorney probably doesn't want to discuss whether the kitchen photographs look better with the toaster removed.

Different professionals have different jobs.

Your attorneys handle the legal dispute.

I handle the real estate.

What If One Spouse Still Lives in the House?

This is probably the biggest practical issue.

If one spouse occupies the property, that person will naturally have more involvement with:

Photography.

Showing access.

Inspections.

Appraisal.

Repair appointments.

Walk-throughs.

That doesn't mean the occupying spouse controls the entire transaction.

It simply means we need a workable access procedure.

For example:

How much notice is needed?

What showing hours are reasonable?

Are there pets?

Will a lockbox be used?

Does the occupant need to leave during showings?

How will inspectors obtain access?

When will the property be vacated?

The more we establish upfront, the fewer things need to be negotiated later.

What If Neither Spouse Lives There?

Even easier.

Now we can potentially establish one access system for the property without disrupting anyone's daily life.

But we still need to determine practical matters.

Who has the keys?

Is the property vacant?

Are utilities on?

Who is maintaining the yard?

Is someone checking the property?

Are there personal belongings remaining?

Who is responsible for removing them?

Is the property insured appropriately while vacant?

Again:

Structure eliminates unnecessary communication.

Who Decides the Listing Price?

The sellers ultimately need to make whatever decisions they're legally required and authorized to make.

My job is to provide the market information.

And in a divorce transaction, I particularly like objective evidence.

Comparable sales.

Current listings.

Pending properties.

Market activity.

Days on market.

Property condition.

Buyer feedback.

Price reductions.

We're not going to determine value based upon which spouse argues more persuasively.

If the market suggests $800,000, I'm not telling one spouse $775,000 and the other $850,000.

The house has one market.

That's the market we're selling into.

What If We Disagree About the Listing Price?

Then we look harder at the evidence.

Sometimes one spouse wants a high price because they believe the property is worth more.

Sometimes the other wants a quick sale because they're emotionally finished with the situation.

Neither objective determines market value.

I can explain the consequences of different strategies.

For example:

At this price, we're likely to compete with these properties.

At this lower price, we may attract a larger buyer pool.

At this higher price, we risk longer market time.

Here are the recent comparable sales.

Here is what buyers are telling us.

Then the parties make the required decision.

If you ultimately cannot agree and the disagreement prevents the sale from moving forward, your attorneys may need to become involved again.

That's where my role ends.

How Do We Handle Offers?

Very transparently.

When an offer comes in, both parties who need to participate should receive the relevant information.

I'll explain the real estate terms:

Purchase price.

Financing.

Down payment.

Contingencies.

Closing period.

Credits requested.

Possession.

Other material terms.

I'll also give you my professional assessment of the offer.

Then you make the decision.

Neither spouse should have to rely upon the other to accurately explain what the buyer offered.

What If One Spouse Wants to Accept and the Other Doesn't?

Then we have a disagreement.

I can provide additional market information.

I can explain the strengths and weaknesses of the offer.

I can discuss whether I believe another buyer is reasonably likely to offer more.

What I can't do is decide:

“We're accepting because I think Husband is being more reasonable.”

If the parties cannot make a decision required to complete the transaction, their attorneys may need to advise them about the next step.

Again:

Facts from me. Legal issues to the attorneys.

What About Inspections and Repairs?

Same approach.

Suppose the buyer asks for:

$12,000 in repairs.

I'll explain the request.

I'll discuss whether the items appear significant from the transaction standpoint.

I'll help you evaluate the market implications of agreeing, refusing or negotiating.

Both sellers receive the relevant information.

Then the appropriate decision gets made.

Nobody needs to call the other spouse and say:

“Dawn says you have to pay for the roof.”

Who Pays for Repairs Before Listing?

That's different from deciding whether a repair makes real-estate sense.

I may recommend:

Painting.

Cleaning.

Landscaping.

A plumbing repair.

Termite work.

Or selling completely as-is.

I can explain what I believe will improve marketability and whether the likely return justifies the expense.

But if the question becomes:

“Which spouse has to pay the $8,000?”

That's not a real-estate valuation question anymore.

The parties need to agree, or their attorneys may need to address it.

What Happens to the Money When We Close?

Escrow handles the transaction according to the applicable instructions, agreements, orders and requirements.

The sale proceeds may first need to address items such as:

Mortgage payoffs.

Applicable liens.

Property taxes.

Transaction expenses.

Other authorized obligations.

What happens to the remaining proceeds between divorcing spouses isn't something I decide.

Your divorce agreement or court orders may control how those funds are handled.

That's another reason I want those issues clarified before closing.

I don't want a successful escrow suddenly turning into:

“Don't give my spouse the money!”

three hours before recording.

What If We Have Tax Liens or Other Debts Against the House?

Then the divorce sale becomes one of our Special Circumstances within Special Circumstances.

That's okay.

We may discover:

Tax liens.

Judgments.

Second mortgages.

HELOCs.

Partial claims.

Delinquent property taxes.

HOA liens.

Other recorded obligations.

If there's sufficient equity, applicable obligations may potentially be addressed through the transaction.

If there isn't enough equity, we need to determine where the shortage exists and whether another process may be necessary.

The important thing is finding those issues early.

What If We're Behind on the Mortgage?

Tell me.

And tell your attorney.

If mortgage payments aren't being made, we can't assume the lender will wait while everyone works through the divorce.

We need to determine:

Is the mortgage current?

Has a Notice of Default been recorded?

Is there a foreclosure sale date?

What is the property worth?

What is owed?

Is there enough equity for a conventional sale?

If there isn't, might a short sale need to be considered?

Now timing may become one of the most important parts of the real estate transaction.

What If One Spouse Stops Cooperating?

This is where the distinction we started with becomes important.

You may begin the transaction with both parties agreeing to sell.

Then something changes.

One spouse stops signing documents.

Refuses access.

Won't respond to offers.

Interferes with inspections.

Or otherwise prevents the transaction from moving forward.

I can document what's happening.

I can provide objective transaction information.

I can explain the effect the noncooperation is having on the sale.

I cannot compel someone to cooperate.

If an agreement or court order is being violated, that's something the attorneys need to address.

Your Realtor shouldn't become the enforcement department of your divorce.

Please Don't Ask Me to Take Sides

This is one of the biggest reasons I think structured communication works.

If the sellers aren't speaking, it can be tempting for each person to develop a separate relationship with the Realtor.

Then suddenly:

“Between you and me, my husband is impossible.”

And later:

“Dawn, you don't understand what my wife has been doing.”

I probably don't.

And I don't need to.

There are undoubtedly years of history behind your divorce.

Understanding that history isn't necessary for me to properly price, market and sell your house.

I need to know what affects the property and transaction.

Everything else belongs somewhere else.

Neutral Doesn't Mean Passive

This distinction is important.

Being neutral between divorcing sellers doesn't mean I'm indifferent about the outcome of the real estate transaction.

I'm still going to:

Recommend an appropriate pricing strategy.

Market the property aggressively.

Follow up on buyer interest.

Evaluate offers.

Negotiate.

Monitor escrow.

Address transaction problems.

Communicate deadlines.

Push the transaction toward closing.

I'm simply doing those things for the property and transaction rather than for one spouse against the other.

That's a very different kind of neutrality.

Buyers Don't Need to Know You're Not Speaking

Your divorce isn't part of my marketing plan.

I'm not putting:

“DIVORCING SELLERS — MOTIVATED!”

in the MLS.

And I'm not telling buyer agents:

“They hate each other and just want this thing gone.”

Why would we voluntarily give the buyer negotiating leverage?

We market:

The house.

The location.

The features.

The improvements.

The opportunity.

Your personal circumstances remain your personal circumstances unless something is legally required to be disclosed or materially affects the transaction.

A Good Process Reduces Drama

The goal isn't to make the two of you communicate better.

That's not my job.

The goal is to create a real-estate process that requires less unnecessary communication in the first place.

Clear showing procedures.

Clear offer presentation.

Clear deadlines.

Clear documentation.

Clear communication.

Both parties receive the information they need.

Everyone knows what happens next.

And the transaction doesn't depend upon:

“Did you tell your spouse what Dawn said?”

That's how we keep the house sale moving.

So, Can You Sell a House If You're Getting Divorced and Aren't Speaking?

Yes, if the appropriate agreement or legal authority to sell exists and the required parties participate in the transaction.

You don't necessarily have to start talking to each other again.

You don't have to attend meetings together.

You don't have to discuss every showing together.

And you certainly don't need to pretend you're getting along for my benefit.

We simply need a system that allows the real estate transaction to function.

My approach is:

Same information.

Same facts.

Same transaction.

And one common objective:

Get the house sold.

Need to Sell During Divorce Without Adding More Conflict?

I've been a California real estate broker for more than 26 years and work with complicated property transactions throughout Southern California.

If you've already decided the house needs to be sold but communication between you and your spouse is difficult, that doesn't necessarily have to prevent us from moving forward.

Your attorneys can handle the divorce.

I'll keep the real estate focused on the real estate.

Tell me what's happening with the property, who currently occupies it and where things stand regarding the decision to sell.

We'll start there.

Call Dawn Anderson, Broker — Midas Realty Group

Selling real estate during a divorce may involve legal questions concerning ownership, authority to sell, court orders, occupancy, proceeds and the parties' respective rights. A real estate broker does not provide family-law advice, interpret or enforce court orders, or resolve disputes between divorcing spouses. Consult your California family-law attorney regarding your individual circumstances.

Related Resources

Selling a House During Divorce in California — Where Do We Start?

Can We Sell Our California House Before a Divorce Is Final?

Special Circumstances When Selling a California Home

Selling a California House With Tax Liens

California Short Sale Center

Disagreements concerning whether marital property should be sold, ownership rights, community or separate property, court orders and enforcement are legal matters. A real estate broker cannot determine whether one spouse can compel another to sell or interpret or enforce family-court orders. Homeowners should obtain advice from their California family-law attorneys concerning their individual circumstances. This page provides general real estate information only.